I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
