my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
love makes seman taste better
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Found the puke drawer
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
