So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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