my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
