I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
