i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
