OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
