Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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