She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
