The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
