you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
