why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
