Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
