remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
