My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize