all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
