his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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