whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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