Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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