my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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