"it" just moved
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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