Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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