I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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