Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
