you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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