She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
this hospital has no fireball
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
