This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
