Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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