im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
