Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
