there's paper in my vomit.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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