She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
