why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
