1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
