dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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