I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
