My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
