I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
