Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
