babies were throwing up all over the place
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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