I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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