So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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