yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
