No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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