Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
