So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
