Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
