Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
