I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
