I am spending my child support on dildos
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
