I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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