the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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