That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
