i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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