There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
