if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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