Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
