Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
