is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
