Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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