We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dignity is for republicans.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
FUCK WHALES
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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