aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
