Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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