I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
