I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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