I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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