my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
